Did the quiet she hadn’t had time or just hadn’t thought to grab anything when she’d scooped him out of bed? She had money nearly gone now and pills far too few of them stuffed in her purse. They didn’t have much anyway and what they did have she’d shoved into a trash bag weeks before she had another couple of outfits for the kid nothing clean, but she’d, nearly gotten busted trying to lift a t-shirt and jeans for him from a walmart in birmingham. If she got busted they’d take her kid and he was the only thing completely hers. She’D wanted the best for him hadn’t.
She she’d tried hadn’t she five years of trying after the [ __ ], who got her pregnant, told her to [ __ ] off she’d done her best, but it wasn’t enough. Never enough and the kid was no prize she had to admit. Whiny and clingy. Christ knew carrying on so she’d lost babysitters when she’d tried serving drinks or stripping it off in some hellhole, but she loved the little son of a [ __ ] and he loved her. I’M thirsty mommy thirsty hungry, tired, not tired, always something she’d seen motherhood as something holy once until she’d learned.
It was nothing but constant. Drudgery demands disappointments and she wasn’t good enough. Just like everyone had told her all her damn life. She slowed enough to pass the bottle of cherry coke between the seats drink. This don’t like that, don’t like it!
I want orange soda pop. I want it you’re a bad mommy. Don’T say that now: don’t you say that you know what hurts my feelings: bad, mommy, bad mommy, i’m thirsty: okay, okay, i’ll get you a drink when i find a place to stop thirsty the wine cut through her brain, like a buzz, saw, thirsty. No, i know baby darling we’ll stop soon. How about we sing a song god her head felt like a soggy apple.
Instead, she started singing the wheels on the bus and, when he sang with her, she was for a moment almost happy she’d put one of her pills in his drink. That’S what she’d do he’d sleep she’d, given him a portion of a pill before when she needed him to sleep, but she’d give him a whole one, and wouldn’t he just drift away to heaven he could have a puppy and friends to play with and all the Toys he wanted orange soda pop by the gallon little boys. Even bratty ones didn’t go to hell. She pulled off the highway and hunted up a 24-hour mark. She parked well back from the lights where insects swarmed in clouds you have to stay in the car.
If you don’t, i can’t get you a drink. You stay in the car. Now you here be quiet, be good and i’ll. Get you some candy too. I want skittles, then skittles it’ll be the lights inside were so bright.
They burned her eyes, but she got him in orange, fanta and skittles. She thought about sliding the candy into her purse, but she was too damn tired to bother. It left her with less than a dollar in change, but she wouldn’t need money where she was going anyway, as she crossed back to the car. She dug out a pill from the zipped pocket in her purse, thinking of puppies and toys and her baby darling giggling with the angels. She popped the tab and slipped it into the can.
This was best for both of them. He smiled at her sweet, sweet smile and bounced
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